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Candide Recommends: Thursday, July 26, 2006
Rim Jobs
Night falls on Israel's offensive
  • Fascinating headlines of the LATimes variety: “Israeli Forces Suffer Heavy Losses in Lebanon Assault,” as if that was the news: Lebanese civilians have been suffering four times the Israelis’ “heavy losses” every day for two weeks. But Lebanese losses are becoming the routine white noise and red drip of the war, a less newsworthy angle than Israel’s casualties of choice. The surprise today, with its implicit assumption of Arab inferiority (“how dare they put up such a fight?”) was that in the battle for Bint Jbail (a town a few miles from the Israeli border, whose Arabic name means “The Daughter of the Mountains”), Hezbollah didn’t cave. Now the Israeli military is predicting “weeks of war to come,” with the kind of idiotic declarations that might have a place before silly football tournaments, but always seem to find a place in the anxious mouths of stunned generals: “I assume it will continue for several more weeks, and in a number of weeks we will be able to [declare] a victory,” Major General Udi Adam, the head of Israel's northern command, said at a news conference. And Israel’s apparently intentional bombing and killing of UN observers yesterday? The Irish foreign ministry said “a senior Irish army officer had called Israeli military liaison officers at least six times to warn them that Israeli munitions were landing close to UN installations in the region.

In Other Worlds and Blogs

  • Regression rim-jobs WashingtonState: the state supreme court, in a 5-4 ruling, upholds a ban on gay marriage. The money shot by Justice Barbara Madsen: “The Legislature was entitled to believe that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers procreation, essential to the survival of the human race and furthers the well-being of children by encouraging families where children are reared in homes headed by children’s biological parents.” Ah. Yes,. Because the planet really does face a procreation crisis. Because divorce really has done nothing to keep children with their biological parents. To quote from another infamous opinion, this one by Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes and with some necessary editing for supreme court justices who trace their intellectual lineage to Hezbollah: “It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting out degenerate justices for crimes against humanity, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind. The principle that sustains compulsory vaccination is broad enough to cover cutting the Fallopian tubes. Endless generations of imbecile justices are enough.”

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